I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
