Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize
