i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
