you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
