there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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