I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
