I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
