??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
