i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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