I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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