Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
