Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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