I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
