I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
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