allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
My brain says no but my pants say off.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
