you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
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