Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
