You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
