I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
