Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
