Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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