Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
