what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Randomize
