I think I died a long time ago.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
You know, be my cock's hype man.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
This is the high leading the old right now
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
