well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
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