Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
