I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
