They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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