I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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