I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
