i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
