Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
