Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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