I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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