Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
