You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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