He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
