drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
