Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
