I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I'm always down for nudity.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
