So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
