I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Randomize
