he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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