Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
you will always have a special place in my vag
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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