He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
