i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Randomize
