I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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