can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
