we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
