Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
should my penis look like a turkey
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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