shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
